


The Hivweblock: First Draft

by 2x2verse (agent_florida)



Series: The Hivweblock [1]
Category: Homestuck, The Room (2003)
Genre: Adaptation, Coitus Interruptus, Deliberate Badfic, Domestic Violence, Drinking, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Gun Violence, Infidelity, Roses, Screenplay/Script Format, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 14,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5317679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_florida/pseuds/2x2verse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus immortalizes his friends, lovers, and enemies in a poignant script about love and betrayal. But first, he has to hammer out a first draft.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

ampora films logo.  
  
opening credits play against generic footage of CRONUS stalking about the dreambubbles.  
  
exterior shot of CRONUSs scuttlebuggy pulling up outside his hivwe.  
  
CRONUS enters the livwingblock.  
  
CRONUS: hi babe! i havwe something for you.  
ARANEA: vwhat is it?  
CRONUS: just a vweensy something.  
  
CRONUS playfully hides the package, then presents it to ARANEA. she opens it to find a red dress.  
  
ARANEA: cronus, its beautiful. thank you. may I try it on nowv?  
CRONUS: sure, its yours nowv.  
ARANEA: vwait right here.  
  
she grabs CRONUSs tie and kisses him.  
  
ARANEA: ill try it on right nowv.  
  
CRONUS sits down. cut to ARANEA reemerging from the stairs in the red dress.  
  
CRONUS: vwowv, you look so sexy, aranea.  
ARANEA: isnt it great?  
CRONUS: i vwould do anything for my m8sprit. uh, my gillfrond. uh, i mean, my girlfriend. matesprit.  
  
enter ERIDAN.  
  
ERIDAN: oh hey, vwhats up?  
CRONUS: oh hi, eri.  
ERIDAN: vwowv, look at you.  
ARANEA: its from cronus.  
CRONUS: i vwould do anything for my princess!  
ERIDAN: howv much vwas it?  
ARANEA: eridan, dont ask a question like that!  
CRONUS: nice to see you eri. im going to bed nowv.  
ERIDAN: can i go vwith you?  
CRONUS: lmao.  
ARANEA: eridan, i think im going to join him.  
CRONUS: lmfao.  
  
they exit upstairs, speaking barely audibly.  
  
ARANEA: i havwe some candles upstairs.  
CRONUS: you alvways think. alright, im ready, 8a8e.  
ARANEA: this is so pretty. i cant vwait for you to get it off of me.  
CRONUS: vwowvie vwowv.  
  
ERIDAN takes a bite of an apple, then followvs them upstairs. in the respiteblock, CRONUS and ARANEA start a pillowv fight on the human-style bed.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat a laugh. oh ouch, you got me!  
  
ERIDAN joins in and gets clobbered as evweryone laughs.  
  
ERIDAN: owv stop!  
CRONUS: eri, dont you havwe something else to do?  
ERIDAN: i just like to vwatch you tvwo.  
ARANEA: oh, eridan, my boy.  
CRONUS: eri, tvwos great, but threes a crowvd, get it?  
ERIDAN: i get it. you tvwo vwanna be alone.  
CRONUS: thats the idea, champ.  
ERIDAN: fine, i havwe homevwork to do anyvway. bye lovwebirds.  
CRONUS: seeya, eri.  
ARANEA: goodbye, eridan.  
  
ERIDAN exits, and a three-minute lovwe scene commences, scored to terrible R&B. theres a lot of vwater and thornflowver petals and naked rumblespheres. CRONUS fucks ARANEAs stomach dimple. aftervwards they lie awvkvwardly in bed together, and ARANEA seems bored vwith CRONUS as he sleeps.  
  
the alarm clock goes off at :28. CRONUS gets up, smells a thornflowver, and bares his ass to the camera. he emerges from the ablutionblock dressed for vwork and greets ARANEA.  
  
CRONUS: did you like vwhat i did last night, babe?  
ARANEA: of course i did.  
CRONUS: awvesome.  
ARANEA: can i get you anything before you leavwe?  
CRONUS: nope. i havwe to go nowv.  
ARANEA: ok, goodbye.  
CRONUS: bye.  
  
CRONUS exits.


	2. Chapter 2

cut to an exterior nighttime shot of the hivwe, then to the livwingblock. ARANEA ansvwers the door, and MEENAH enters.  
  
ARANEA: hello, miss peixes, howv are you today?  
MEENAH: im fine, howv are you?  
MEENAH: ok lets go to the conch. conciliatory cushions. and vwhale sit down and havwe a good old fashioned morayeel meeting. vwhats good, serket?  
ARANEA: not much. do you vwant some coffee?  
MEENAH: something is vwrong, tell me vwhats up.  
ARANEA: im merely not feeling vwell today.  
MEENAH: the hell not?  
ARANEA: i dont pity cronus anymore. not in that vway.  
MEENAH: vwhy not? gimme deets.  
ARANEA: hes so boring.  
MEENAH: what? you knowvn him for fivwe svweeps or something. youre near entwvined. you said you pitied him. he supports you. he provwides for you. pale girl you cant support yourshellf. hes a nice guy. he pities the hell outta you. hes a better caste than you. and he told me hes gonna buy you a hivwe.  
ARANEA: thats vwhy hes so boring!  
MEENAH: vwhale... vwhat are you gonna do?  
ARANEA: i dont knowv. i dont mind livwing vwith him for nowv vwhile i make up my mind.  
MEENAH: you cant just do that to a troll you dont feel that vway aboat anymore. you talk to him about it?  
ARANEA: no. to be perfectly honest, i dont knowv vwhat to do.  
MEENAH: vwell... hes such a nice guy. hes getting a promotion reel soon. he bought you a scuttlebuggy. he bought you all this bling, duds, vwhatevwer you vwanted. nowv you vwanna throwv him back? that aint right, sis. i always thought of him as my cross quad. you should serendipiseal cronus. hed be good for you.  
ARANEA: i guess youre right about that.  
MEENAH: vwell of course im right. i know seadvwellers. i vwasnt hatched yesterday. im glad youre talking to your moirail. nobody else listens to me.  
ARANEA: youre probably right about that, meenah.  
MEENAH: vwell im glad youre listening to your moirail. listen i gotta go. remember vwhat i told you, ya hear? im out.  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
ARANEA: (sarcastically) thanks, moirail.


	3. Chapter 3

the same block, later in the night. ARANEA picks up the telecommunicator and PORRIM answers on the other end.  
  
PORRIM: hello?  
ARANEA: hey baby, howv are you doing?  
PORRIM: oh hello, aranea, howv are you doing? im vwery busy, vwhats going on?  
ARANEA: i just finished talking vwith my moirail. she gavwe me this big lecture about cronus.  
PORRIM: thats quite some talk, coming from your mouth. look, vwell talk about it later. i told you, im vwery busy.  
ARANEA: vwell talk about it nowv! vwhenevwer you say vwell talk about it later, vwe nevwer do. i cant vwait until later. i vwant to talk right nowv. you owve me one anyvway.  
PORRIM: ok, so be it. alright, vwhat do you vwant to talk about?  
ARANEA: shes a stupid fishbitch. she vwants to control my life. im not going to put up vwith that. im going to do vwhat i vwant to do, and thats it.  
ARANEA: vwhat do you think i should do, porrim?  
PORRIM: you just said you vwould do vwhatevwer you vwanted. vwhy vwould you ask me? i dont knowv vwhat you vwant.  
PORRIM: you knowv, youvwe been vwery happy vwith cronus. vwhat do you vwant me to say? you should enjoy your life. vwhats the problem?  
ARANEA: maybe youre right. can i see you tomorrowv night?  
PORRIM: ok. howv about midnight?  
ARANEA: ill be vwaiting for you. bye.  
PORRIM: alright, see you.  
  
cut to gratuitous footage of a cable car in the dreambubbles.  
  
back in the hivweblock, ARANEA answers the door. PORRIM enters.  
  
PORRIM: hi. howv are you doing?  
ARANEA: im fine. come in. havwe a seat.  
  
they are silent vwhile ARANEA pours vwine and offers it.  
  
PORRIM: thank you.  
ARANEA: its hot in here.  
  
ARANEA unbuttons the top of her blouse.  
  
ARANEA: do you mind?  
PORRIM: no.  
  
ARANEA approaches PORRIM in her strapless black dress.  
  
PORRIM: the candles, the music, the sexy dress? vwhats going on here?  
ARANEA: i like you vwery much, lovwerbabe.  
PORRIM: vwhat are you doing this for?  
ARANEA: vwhats the matter? dont you like me? im your girl, right, babe?  
PORRIM: cronus is my best friend, aranea. youre going to be serendipisealed next perigee. come on.  
ARANEA: forget about cronus. this is betvween you and me.  
PORRIM: i dont think so. im leavwing nowv.  
ARANEA: please dont leavwe, babe. please dont leavwe. i need you. i pity you, i hate you, i pale you--i vwant you in all of my quadrants. i dont vwant to get serendipisealed anymore. i dont pity cronus. i dream about you. i need you to get flush with me. right nowv.  
PORRIM: i dont think so. evwerythings going to be fine, i promise.  
  
they proceed to kiss, then havwe fully clothed three-minute sex on the spiral stairs to the tune of terrible R&B ("you are my thornflowver").  
  
PORRIM: vwhy did you do this to me? vwhy? cronus is my best friend. vwevwe been friends since the day he hatched.  
ARANEA: didnt you enjoy it, babe?  
PORRIM: thats not the point.  
ARANEA: i pity you, porrim. you knowv that, right?  
PORRIM: look, youre vwery attractivwe, alright? youre beautiful. but vwe cant do this anymore. i cant hurt cronus.  
ARANEA: i knowv. hes your best friend.  
PORRIM: hey. this vwill be our secret.  
  
they kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

cut to exterior shot of a hilly dreambubble street. CRONUSs scuttlebuggy pulls up to a flowver shop. CRONUS enters the flowver shop.  
  
CRONUS: hey.  
JADE: can i help you?  
CRONUS: (removing sunglasses) yeah, can i havwe a dozen red thornflowvers.  
JADE: oh hi cronus. i didnt knowv it vwas you! here you go.  
CRONUS: thats me! howv much?  
JADE: eighteen boonbucks.  
CRONUS: here vwe are. keep the change.  
CRONUS: hi doggy!  
JADE: youre my favworite customer!  
CRONUS: thanks a lot, bye!  
JADE: byebye.  
  
CRONUS exits vwith the thornflowvers and gets in his scuttlebuggy.  
  
cut to ARANEA in the hivweblock, talking on the telecommunicator.  
  
ARANEA: yes, this is for delivwery. 555-4828. half north beforus bacon vwith pineapple, half artichoke vwith pesto and light on the cheese. thanks.  
  
she hangs up, and the entrychime rings.  
  
ARANEA: vwho is it?  
ERIDAN: eridan.  
ARANEA: hey eridan, howv are you doing?  
ERIDAN: im fin thanks for askin. vwhats newv?  
ARANEA: actually, im really busy. do you vwant something to drink?  
ERIDAN: no thanks. i just vwant to talk to cro. you look vwery beautiful today. i vwanna kiss you. can i kiss you?  
ARANEA: you are such a little brat!  
ERIDAN: im just kidding! i lovwe you and cro.  
ARANEA: ok, ok. cronus vwill be here any minute. you can vwait if you vwant.  
ERIDAN: i gotta go. tell cro i stopped by?  
ARANEA: of course.  
ERIDAN: bye.  
ARANEA: bye, eridan.  
  
cut to exterior shot of the hivwe. CRONUSs scuttlebuggy pulls up.  
  
CRONUS enters the hivweblock.  
  
CRONUS: hi babe. these are for you.  
  
CRONUS presents a bouquet of thornflowvers.  
  
ARANEA: thank you, honey. theyre beautiful.  
ARANEA: did you get your promotion?  
CRONUS: nah.  
ARANEA: you didnt get it, did you?  
CRONUS: that son of a beach told me that i vwould get it vwithin three perigees.  
CRONUS: i savwe them bundles.  
CRONUS: theyre obvwiously crazy to pass up a great guy like me.  
CRONUS: i dont think i vwill ever get it at this point.  
CRONUS: they betrayed me.  
CRONUS: they didnt keep their promise that they vwould promote me for vworking so hard.  
CRONUS: they tricked me. the bastards.  
CRONUS: vwhatevwer. i dont care anymore.  
ARANEA: did you tell them howv much you savwe them?  
CRONUS: of course. vwhat did you think?  
CRONUS: they already put my ideas into practice evwery day.  
CRONUS: the place savwes money boonbuck over fist.  
CRONUS: theyre treating me like im some fool vwho vwill do vwhatevwer they say.  
ARANEA: i still pity you.  
CRONUS: youd better. youre the only one vwho does.  
ARANEA: at least you havwe friends. i didnt get any calls tonight. youre right. the computer business is too competitivwe.  
ARANEA: do you vwant me to order a pizza?  
CRONUS: vwhatevwer. i dont care.  
ARANEA: i already ordered a pizza! lucky you.  
CRONUS: you think about evwerything.  
ARANEA: vwhats the matter? are you alright? its just a lousy promotion.  
ARANEA: you knowv vwhat you need? i believwe you need a drink.  
CRONUS: i dont drink! you knowv that. i just let other people drink and then make fun of them vwithout mercy or remorse.  
  
cut to ARANEA emerging from the kitchen vwith, it seems, scotch and vwodka.  
  
CRONUS: invwigorating.  
  
she mixes them to form scotchka.  
  
ARANEA: dont vworry about it. its good for you.  
CRONUS: you must be crazy. just like those bastards at vwork.  
CRONUS: i cant drink this svwill.  
ARANEA: if you lovwe me, youll drink this.  
  
she raises his glass to his mouth and he drinks.  
  
CRONUS: youre right. it tastes good.  
ARANEA: i knowv. i am right, aren't i.  
ARANEA: dont vworry about those bastards. youre a good man. drink and lets havwe some fun.  
  
they drink. cut to later, vwhen they havwe had quite a bit to drink and ARANEA is nowv vwearing CRONUSs tie as a headband.  
  
CRONUS: ha ha ha. lmao.  
  
ARANEA laughs hysterically. CRONUS drops and shatters a glass.  
  
CRONUS: you havwe nice legs ara. lmfao.  
ARANEA: (laughing) you havwe a nice chest. these beautiful gillslits.  
CRONUS: lmao.  
CRONUS: im tired. im vwasted.  
CRONUS: i pity you so much, lovwe.  
ARANEA: come on, get flush vwith me.  
CRONUS: vwhen would i evwer say no to that?  
ARANEA: come on, you owve me one.  
CRONUS: pity you, babe.  
ARANEA: i pity you, cronus.  
  
she rips open his shirt. they make out on the conciliatory cushions, and then vwe cut to the respiteblock for a lovwemaking sequence that seems to be recut from their prevwious lovwemaking sequence, but vwith a different terrible R&B song. mercifully, it only lasts for about a minute.  
  
cut to the famous "painted ladies" of the dreambubbles.


	5. Chapter 5

cut to the hivweblock.  
  
ARANEA: so im organizing the party for cronuss vwriggling day. can you come?  
MEENAH: vwhen is it?  
ARANEA: next condesceday at six. its supposed to be a surprise. you can bring someone if you vwant.  
MEENAH: vwell sure i can come, but i dont knowv if ill bring anybody.  
MEENAH: oh that reminds me of that bitch fef. she vwants me to givwe her a share of my planet. that planet belongs to me, she got no right to it. i aint givwing her a single shred of gold. the hell does she think she is?  
ARANEA: shes your castemate!  
MEENAH: shes alvways bugging me about my hivwe. forevwer ago we agreed that place belongs to me. nowv the vwalue of the planet is going up and she got boondollar signs in her eyes.  
MEENAH: everything goes vwrong at once. nobody vwants to help me and im dying here.  
ARANEA: youre not dying, meenah, stop being so histrionic.  
MEENAH: i got the results of the test back. i definitely got minajitis.  
ARANEA: look, dont vworry about it. evwerything vwill be fine. theyre curing lots of people evwery day.  
MEENAH: i better be fine, im fine as hell.  
MEENAH: oh that reminds me, i heard that bitch damara is talking shit aboat me. she is a hateful little troll. im so glad i got the hell outta there.  
ARANEA: dont vworry about it. just concentrate on getting vwell.  
MEENAH: vwell, at least you got a good matesprit.  
ARANEA: youre vwrong! meenah, hes not vwhat you think he is. he didnt get his promotion. and he got drunk last night. and he hit me!  
MEENAH: cronus doesnt drink, hes such a fucking lightvweight. vwhat are you talking about?  
ARANEA: he did last night. and i dont pity him anymore.  
MEENAH: cronus is your financial security. you cant afford to ignore this.  
ARANEA: yeah, ok, meenah. can i just talk to you later?  
MEENAH: you dont vwanna talk to me.  
ARANEA: i just finished talking vwith a client, and i havwe to get ready to meet him. can I just talk to you later?  
MEENAH: ok ill see ya later. peixes out.  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
cut to an exterior shot of the hivwe.


	6. Chapter 6

cut to the hivweblock. LATULA and MITUNA enter, nervwously.  
  
LATULA: howv much time we got, big boy?  
MITUNA: fuck i dont knowv, maybe a couple hours at least.  
LATULA: vwell, then, lets havwe some fun, my man.  
  
they sit on the conciliatory cushions and MITUNA opens a box of chocolates.  
  
MITUNA: did you knowv that chocolates are a symbol of pity?  
LATULA: (laughing) feed me, beast boy.  
  
MITUNA puts a chocolate in LATULAs mouth and then makes out vwith her. he puts a chocolate on her chest and eats it off of her.  
  
LATULA: eat it up, baby.  
MITUNA: youre fucking delicious, babe.  
LATULA: arms up, svweetie.  
  
she zips MITUNAs bodysuit open dowvn to his vwaist.  
  
LATULA: so, chocolate is a symbol of lovwe, huh?  
  
LATULA places a chocolate in MITUNAs mouth and then makes out vwith him. she starts to go down on him, although he begins reacting vwith comically exaggerated orgasm faces before shes in position to do anything.  
  
cut to an exterior shot of the painted ladies.  
  
cut to the hivweblock, where MITUNA and LATULA are startled by ARANEA and MEENAH entering.  
  
MEENAH: um hello.  
MEENAH: vwhat are these characters doing here?  
ARANEA: they like to come here to do their... homevwork.  
MEENAH: the fuck kinda schoolvwork is that?  
ARANEA: meenah, this is latulas matesprit mituna. mituna, this is my moirail.  
MITUNA: svweet to meet you.  
MEENAH: im sure.  
LATULA: so, vwere gonna go.  
  
MITUNA and LATULA exit.  
  
MEENAH: shit all that shopping tired me the fuck out  
  
ERIDAN enters.  
  
ERIDAN: hi, ara.  
ARANEA: hello, eridan. eridan, this is my moirail. meenah, this is eridan.  
MEENAH: howv many trolls come in and outta this hivwestem every night, damn. this is vworse than some dreambubble connection hub.  
ERIDAN: i just need to borrowv some svweetener.  
ARANEA: help yourself, eridan.  
ERIDAN: i also need a cup of vwheat germ and half a stick of curdled dairy.  
MEENAH: dont your hivwe havwe a foodblock?  
ERIDAN: ill come back later, vwhen i vwont get yelled at for existing.  
  
ERIDAN exits.  
  
MEENAH: vwhat does eridan do?  
ARANEA: can i infodump on you?  
MEENAH: you knowv the terms.  
ARANEA: cronus vwanted to adopt eridan. its really a tragedy howv many grubs out there dont havwe a lusus. vwhen eridan turned nine svweeps, cronus found him a little place here in this hivwestem and hes paying for it until eridan graduates from school. cronus really likes eridan, evwen though he doesnt say it much. hes like an ancestor figure to eridan. i told you, meenah, cronus is vwery caring about the people in his life. and he gavwe eridan his owvn set of keys to our place.  
ARANEA: and, as promised, heres your money.  
MEENAH: just dont hurt cronus. if you really dont pity him so be it, but you should tell him.  
  
MITUNA enters.  
  
MITUNA: i forgot my book.  
  
he grabs a book but somehowv this leads to MEENAH holding his undervwear.  
  
MEENAH: the fuck is this?  
  
evweryone laughs.  
  
MITUNA: shut the fuck up, bitch.  
  
MITUNA takes the undervwear and exits as evweryone continues to laugh.  
  
MEENAH: schoolvwork? yeah right.  
ARANEA: (laughing) dont vworry about it.  
MEENAH: if i vwere a thief, you vwould be my best friend. and i am, so you are.  
ARANEA: look, i dont vwant to talk about it.  
MEENAH: i vworry about you sometimes. gotta go hivwe.  
ARANEA: ok, meenah.  
MEENAH: seeya.  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
ARANEA: (sighing) oh my lord.  
  
cut to exterior shot of the dreambubble skyline.


	7. Chapter 7

cut to the roof, vwhere ERIDAN is dribbling a sportsball. this scene is in HD for some reason. CALIBORN enters.  
  
CALIBORN: hey, asshole.  
ERIDAN: caliborn. ivwe been looking for you.  
CALIBORN: yeah, sure you havwe. you havwe my money, right?  
ERIDAN: yeah, its coming. itll be here in a fewv minutes.  
CALIBORN: what do you mean its coming? eridan, vwheres my money?  
ERIDAN: ok just givwe me fivwe minutes. just givwe me fivwe.  
CALIBORN: fivwe minutes. you vwant fivwe fucking minutes, eridan? you knowv vwhat? i havwent got fivwe fucking minutes.  
  
CALIBORN pulls a gun on ERIDAN.  
  
CALIBORN: im going to ask you again. eridan. vwheres my money.  
ERIDAN: i dont havwe anything.  
CALIBORN: vwheres my money, eridan? vwheres my fucking money, eridan? vwhatd you do vwith my fucking money?  
ERIDAN: i svwear to you its coming.  
CALIBORN: vwheres my fucking money, eridan?  
ERIDAN: put the gun dowvn.  
  
PORRIM and CRONUS enter.  
  
CALIBORN: my fucking money. vwheres my fucking money, eridan?  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM grab CALIBORN and disarm him. ARANEA and MEENAH enter, or rather, they are suddenly in the scene vwithout explanation.  
  
ARANEA: vwhats going on?!  
CRONUS: lets take him to the police. no more than he deservwes.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM haul CALIBORN away amid indecipherable commotion.  
  
ARANEA: eridan, are you ok? vwhat did that man vwnt from you?  
ERIDAN: nothing.  
MEENAH: no vway that vwas nothing.  
ARANEA: tell me evwerything!  
MEENAH: you got no idea the kind of trouble youre in here, do you.  
ERIDAN: i owve him some money.  
ARANEA: vwhat kind of money?  
PORRIM: monopoly money? celtic ring money?  
ERIDAN: i just owve him some money, ok?  
ARANEA: vwhat kind of money, eridan?  
ERIDAN: evwerythings ok nowv, hes gone.  
MEENAH: bullshit is evwerything ok. eridamn, that is a dangerous man.  
ERIDAN: clam dowvn, hes goin to jail.  
ARANEA: eridan, vwhat kind of money? JUST TELL ME!  
MEENAH: the fuck you need moolah that bad for?  
ARANEA: meenah, please, eridan is vwith me and cronus!  
MEENAH: man like that vwith a fucking gun... horrorterrors bless.  
ARANEA: eridan, look at me in the eyes, all eight of them, and tell me the truth. vwere your friends.  
PORRIM: her moirail, vwho she just screamed at, is your friend, eridan.  
ERIDAN: i bought some drugs off a him a vways back. things got mixed up somehowv. i didnt vwant this to happen.  
ARANEA: (sobbing theatrically) eridan...  
ERIDAN: i dont have them right nowv.  
ARANEA: vwhat kind of drugs, eridan?  
ERIDAN: it doesnt matter, i dont havwe them anymore.  
MEENAH: doesnt matter? like hell it doesnt matter. howv the hell else you get invwolvwed vwith drugs? the fuck vwere you doin with them? vwas it givwing them to him? vwere you selling them to him? vwhat kind of dredged up place you meet him at?  
ARANEA: vwhat kind of drugs do you take?  
ERIDAN: its nothing like that i svwear!  
ARANEA: vwhat the hell is vwrong vwith you???  
ERIDAN: i just needed some money to pay off some stuff, i aint a fucking vwader.  
ARANEA: howv much do you havwe to givwe him?  
MEENAH: this aint the vway you make boonbucks.  
ARANEA: howv much?  
ERIDAN: stop ganging up on me! vweh!  
MEENAH: about time somebody ganged up on you. man like that... vwhere the hell did you meet a cherub like that?  
ERIDAN: it doesnt matter nowv.  
MEENAH: hell no, it fucking matters. cherub holds a gun on you, near turns you to shark bait, and you expect me to forget that happened?  
ERIDAN: youre not my fucking moirail!  
MEENAH: you listen to me, boy.  
ARANEA: no!  
MEENAH: somebody better do something around here.  
  
ARANEA hugs and comforts ERIDAN in her dirty pillows. CRONUS enters.  
  
CRONUS: you ok, eri?  
ERIDAN: im fine  
CRONUS: are you ok?  
ERIDAN: im ok  
  
PORRIM has materialized behind MEENAH and ARANEA.  
  
MEENAH: aint nothin ok about this, hes taking drugs.  
PORRIM: come on, stop, it vwas a mistake.  
MEENAH: a mistake? that he takes drugs? rrrrrrrright.  
CRONUS: lets go hivwe, huh?  
PORRIM: come on, its clear.  
MEENAH: vwhats clear? im calling the pigs.  
PORRIM: i just said its clear. vwhatevwer it is, it is officially clear.  
ARANEA: meenah, stop, it vwas eridans mistake, just stop!  
PORRIM: lets go.  
  
PORRIM and MEENAH exit.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy did you do that? you knowv better, right? vwhy?  
ERIDAN: im vwery sorry.  
CRONUS: you knowv better, eri. vwe almost lost you.  
ERIDAN: im sorry. it vwont happen again, i promise.  
ARANEA: eridan, you knowv that cronus is like your lusus. and vwere your friends. vwere going to help you.  
CRONUS: lets go hivwe.  
  
evweryone exits.


	8. Chapter 8

cut to PORRIM on the telecommunicator with ARANEA.  
  
ARANEA: i miss you.  
PORRIM: i just sawv you! vwhat are you talking about?  
ARANEA: im just vwanting to hear your sexy voice. i keep thinking about your strong hands around my body. it excites me so much. i pity you.  
PORRIM: is cronus there?  
ARANEA: hes... in the shower.  
PORRIM: soaping his genitals?  
PORRIM: i dont understand you. vwhy do you do things like this?  
ARANEA: because i pity you. you just dont care, do you?  
PORRIM: i do care. but vwe agreed, its ovwer betvween us.  
ARANEA: i understand, its our secret. but I still have feelings for you. you just dont care.  
PORRIM: i do care! vwe literally just had this argument, howv can you not remember this?  
ARANEA: i have to go nowv. ill see you later, baby.  
PORRIM: dont call me that.  
ARANEA: ok, bye.  
  
they hang up.


	9. Chapter 9

cut to the roof. CRONUS enters, mid-sentence.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy vwould she lie? i did not hit her! its not true! it's bullshark! howv could she say that about me? i did not hit her! vwhen vwould i havwe done that? i did not!  
  
CRONUS throwvs a vwater bottle to the floor.  
  
CRONUS: oh, hi por.  
PORRIM: (holding a sportsball) oh, hey cronus. vwhats up?  
CRONUS: im havwing a problem with ara. she says that i hit her, the vworthless bitch.  
PORRIM: vwhat? vwell, did you?  
CRONUS: no! its not true. dont evwen ask. vwhats newv vwith you?  
PORRIM: vwell, Im just sitting up here thinking, you knowv? its not go+ing vwery vwell. i havwe a question for you, actually.  
CRONUS: ask avway.  
PORRIM: do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?  
CRONUS: vwhat makes you say that?  
PORRIM: i dont knowv. i dont knowv, im just... im just thinking.  
CRONUS: i dont havwe to vworry about that because aranea is loyal to me.  
PORRIM: you never knowv. people are vwery strange these days.  
PORRIM: i used to knowv a girl by the name of damara. she vwas dating a dozen guys. good for her; i vwould never havwe been able to keep up. one of them found out about it, then beat her up so badly she ended up in a hospiterror asylum.  
CRONUS: lmao thats great! vwhat a story por!  
PORRIM: you can say that again. i cant believwe youre laughing at domestic abuse.  
CRONUS: im so happy i havwe you as a best friend. and that i pity ara. lovwe her so much.  
PORRIM: you are vwery lucky, yes.  
CRONUS: vwell, maybe you should havwe a matesprit, por. gillfrond, buoyfrond. something for your slutty self to get it on vwith.  
PORRIM: just... havwe one?  
PORRIM: yes, maybe youre right. maybe i havwe one already. i dont knowv yet.  
CRONUS: vwell, vwhat happened?  
CRONUS: remember horuss? vwas that his name?  
PORRIM: horuss?  
CRONUS: vwell, yeah.  
PORRIM: vwe dont see each other anymore. you knowv, he vwasnt any good in the pile. i couldnt evwen get him into the pile in the first place. he vwas beautiful, but vwe had too many arguments. mostly ovwer him being too negativwe about himself. and he vwas too nice, and he stole my things.  
CRONUS: thats too bad. my ara is great vwhen i can get it.  
PORRIM: i just cant figure people out. sometimes theyre just too smart, sometimes theyre just flat-out stupid, other times theyre just evwil.  
CRONUS: it seems to me like you vwould be the expert, por!  
PORRIM: and youre the expert on experts... no. definitely not an expert, cronus.  
CRONUS: vwhats bothering you, por?  
PORRIM: nothing, cronus.  
CRONUS: do you havwe some secrets? vwhy dont you tell me?  
PORRIM: forget it! just forget it. i knowv i brought it up, but i dont vwant to talk about it.  
CRONUS: i vwant to know your secret. tell me.  
PORRIM: no, forget it. ill talk to you later!  
  
PORRIM hands off the sportsball to CRONUS and exits.  
  
CRONUS: vwell, vwhatevwer.  
  
ERIDAN enters, passing PORRIM as shes leavwing.  
  
ERIDAN: hey cro.  
CRONUS: oh hi, eri.  
ERIDAN: vwhats vwrong vwith por?  
CRONUS: shes just cranky today. lmao. mate trouble, i guess. vwhat's newv vwith you?  
ERIDAN: not much. still going to the movwie tonight?  
CRONUS: sure, vwe are.  
ERIDAN: vwhat kind of movwie are vwe going to see?  
CRONUS: vwell, vwe can go see... eri, dont plan evwerything out. it may not come out right.  
ERIDAN: ok i guess. lets toss the ball around if you vwant.  
CRONUS: ok, fine vwith me.  
  
they proceed to play short-distance catch vwith the sportsball vwhile talking.  
  
ERIDAN: vwant to tell you about something.  
CRONUS: vwhat is it, eri?  
ERIDAN: its about aranea.  
CRONUS: vwhat about her?  
ERIDAN: shes gorgeous. she looks vwonderful in that red dress. i think im in lovwe vwith her. pity or something.  
CRONUS: keep talking.  
ERIDAN: i knowv she doesnt like me because sometimes shes mean to me. but sometimes vwhen im around her? i feel like i vwant to kiss her and tell her i pity her. i dont knowv, im just confused.  
CRONUS: eri, dont vworry about that. aranea loves you too, as a person, as a troll, as a friend. you knowv people dont havwe to say it.  
ERIDAN: vwhat do you mean?  
CRONUS: you can lovwe someone deep in your vwascular, and theres nothing vwrong vwith that. if a lot of people lovwed each other, the vworld vwould be a better place to livwe.  
ERIDAN: but youre entvwined with aranea.  
CRONUS: eri, dont vworry about it. youre part of our family, and we lovwe you vwery much. and vwell help you anytime you need. ara lovwes you too. as a friend. shes sort of like your lusus too.  
ERIDAN: you mean you dont vwanna slug me?  
CRONUS: no, because i trust you and i trust ara. vwhat about peixes, hanh?  
ERIDAN: vwhale, i think i lovwe her. not just pale, but flush as vwell. after my conscription, once im master of my own fleet, i vwanna be entvwined to her and conquer newv vworlds for her.  
CRONUS: thats the idea, champ!  
ERIDAN: youre right, cro. thanks for paying for my schoolvwork.  
CRONUS: youre vwery vwelcome, eri. keep in mind, if you have any problems like vwhackadoo back there, talk to me, and i vwill help you howvevwer i can.  
ERIDAN: awvesome. thanks, cro.  
CRONUS: lets go eat something, hanh? come on lets go, im starvwing.  
  
they exit.  
  
cut to an exterior panning shot of a dreambubble bridge.


	10. Chapter 10

cut to the hivweblock, vwhere LATULA and ARANEA are talking. ARANEAs neck is bulging throughout this scene, vwhich means vwery fewv people vwill evwer hear the dialogue.  
  
LATULA: so howvs cronus, aranea?  
ARANEA: he didnt get his promotion, thats for sure.  
LATULA: shit, is he disappointed?  
ARANEA: quite a bit. he got drunk last night, and he hit me.  
LATULA: he hit you???  
ARANEA: im sure he didnt knowv vwhat he vwas doing.  
LATULA: are you ok though?  
ARANEA: vwell, i dont vwant to be serindipisealed to him anymore.  
LATULA: vwhaaat?  
ARANEA: cronus is ok, but ivwe found somebody else to satisfy me.  
LATULA: aranea, babe. this isnt right. youre livwing vwith one dude but sleeping vwith another dude?  
ARANEA: im merely doing vwhat i vwant to do.  
LATULA: vwell if youre going to be like that at least tell me who he is!  
ARANEA: its cronuss best friend. and she livwes in this building.  
LATULA: i literally cant believwe youre telling me this! its porrim, isnt it? kindfang, you knowv youre just thinking about yourself. somebodys going to get hurt here, you feel? you havwe to be honest with cronus!  
ARANEA: i could nevwer do that. he vwould be absolutely devwastated.  
LATULA: well, if you care that much about him, vwhy vwould you cheat on him?  
ARANEA: i mean, havwe you seen him? i really dont knowv vwhat to do. i pity porrim, and i dont havwe any more feelings for cronus--not pale, not red, not black.  
LATULA: and cronus is so excited about this serendipisealing.  
ARANEA: believe me, i knowv.  
LATULA: you havwe to tell cronus!  
ARANEA: if vwere going to continue to talk about this, or speak at all, ill havwe to request that you dont guilt-trip me about this, because thats uncalled for.  
LATULA: you dont feel guilty about this at all, do you.  
ARANEA: vwhy vwould i be guilty? im happy vwith the vway things are right nowv.  
LATULA: yeah, you say that nowv, but something awvful is going to happen.  
ARANEA: i dont believwe you. and dont tell anyone vwhat i told you.  
  
cut to exterior shot of the hivwe. CRONUS is approaching. he picks up the paper.  
  
cut to the hivweblock.  
  
LATULA: dont vworry, sis, you can trust me. your secret is safe vwith me, i svwear.  
  
CRONUS enters.  
  
CRONUS: sup, tula. i heard you from outside. vwhat secret?  
ARANEA: its betvween us vwomen.  
LATULA: hi, cronus! high fivwe!  
CRONUS: id rather not havwe you touch me. did you get a newv suit?  
LATULA: and on that note, i guess id better be going. ill just talk to you guys later.  
ARANEA: excuse me, cronus.  
LATULA: sis, remember vwhat i told you, ok?  
  
LATULA exits.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat is she talking about?  
ARANEA: its merely vwhat you vwould call girl talk. i just told you that, vwhen i said it vwas betvween vwomen.  
CRONUS: i nevwer hit you. i dont knowv vwhy you vwould lie about something like that. you shouldnt havwe any secrets from me. im your future husband, or entvwined matesprit, or your boyfriend or vwhatevwer.  
ARANEA: are you sure about that? maybe ill change my mind about some or all of that.  
CRONUS: dont talk like that--vwhat do you mean?!  
ARANEA: vwhat do you think? a vwoman like me changes her mind all the time.  
CRONUS: vwery funny. you must be joshing me, arent you babe?  
ARANEA: look, cronus, i dont vwant to talk about it. im going to go upstairs, vwash up, and slip in coon.  
  
CRONUS shoves ARANEA down on the couch.  
  
CRONUS: howv dare you talk to me like that. howv fucking dare you. you should tell me evwerything. nevwer havwe any secrets from me.  
ARANEA: i cant talk right nowv. more to the point, i dont vwant to speak vwith you vwhen you act like this.  
CRONUS: vwhy, aranea? vwhy, ara? please talk to me, please. youre part of my life nowv. you are evwerything to me. i could not go on vwithout you, ara.  
ARANEA: ok, nowv youre just scaring me. vwhy are you being like this?  
CRONUS: vwhy are you lying? i nevwer hit you, evwer, evwen vwhen you might havwe deservwed it.  
CRONUS: you are tearing me apart, aranea!  
ARANEA: vwhy are you acting so hysterical right nowv?  
CRONUS: do you understand life? vwell do you?  
  
ARANEA gets up and heads upstairs.  
  
ARANEA: dont vworry about it. dont vworry about any of it. evwerything vwill be alright.  
CRONUS: you really drivwe me crazy sometimes.  
ARANEA: good morning, cronus.  
CRONUS: dont vworry about it. i still lovwe you, pity you, the vwhole nine yards. good morning, ara.  
  
cut to a long tracking shot of a vwery famous dreambubble bridge.


	11. Chapter 11

cut to an alleyvway, vwhere MITUNA approaches CRONUS.  
  
MITUNA: hey loser, vwhats up?  
CRONUS: oh hi, tuna, vwhats newv?  
MITUNA: you have tvwo be fucking kidding me. i havwe a legit problem here. the problem is in my pants. and also is my pants. it is a tragedy.  
MITUNA: i vwas making out with latula. also vwe vwere on your conciliatory cushions. more like concupiscent cushions, am i right? #not even a little sorry fuck you  
CRONUS: uh... huh.  
MITUNA: anyvway, meenah and your hot piece of ass vwalk in like they livwe there. i guess they do. #fuck that  
MITUNA: in the middle of us getting to the good part. im talking about...  
CRONUS: oh no.  
MITUNA: seeexxx! thats not evwen the story i vwanted tvwo tell you, fuck.  
MITUNA: so vwe get caught and vwe jet outta there on our fallslats, looking fly as shit. i get my helmet, she gets her boob holsters. and about halfvway avway, i realized... i misplaced, i forgot about, my fucking bulge protection gear.  
  
they both chuckle.  
  
MITUNA: so i go back for it. i pretend i need a book or a bong or fuck it, i dont remember and this is my story. #fuck you  
MITUNA: so im looking for it. i reach out and shovwe that shit dowvn my svweet suit. slide it out super slick like i do. then that bitch meenah, she sawv it sticking out of my zipper, so she fucking pulls it the fuck out. and she starts showving evwerybody evwer me undervwears.  
CRONUS: you gotta be kidding me. undervwear? nevwer vwawnted that mental picture but now that i havwe it thanks i guess. i get it.  
MITUNA: yeah, i dont knowv vwhat to do.  
CRONUS: thats just life sometimes, you knowv?  
  
ERIDAN enters, vwith a sportsball.  
  
ERIDAN: hey cro, hey tuna.  
CRONUS: hey eri.  
ERIDAN: vwanna play some sportsball?  
MITUNA: i gotta go see latula in a bit. im gonna givwe it to her so hard.  
ERIDAN: oh come on, i didnt need to knowv that.  
CRONUS: come on just throwv the ball vwith us.  
MITUNA: fine, if you bitchpunks vwanna get owvned i guess i can be the one to do it.  
CRONUS: lets go vwith that.  
MITUNA: im skating out.  
  
they proceed to toss the sportsball around in close quarters, like you do.  
  
MITUNA: not even a little sorry you had to see that. #tbh  
ERIDAN: im not sorry, im just avwoiding havwing to study. i dont study like that though. howv do you get anyfin done?  
CRONUS: he doesnt get anything done vwith her humping on him like that.  
  
PORRIM enters.  
  
PORRIM: hey, eridan, howv are you?  
ERIDAN: hey vwhats up por.  
CRONUS: hey por.  
ERIDAN: catch it, come on, i cant play sportsball vwith nobody.  
MITUNA: not much, just me owvning these nerds.  
ERIDAN: he vwas just telling us aboat some undervwear issue.  
MITUNA: im gonna shovwe you into a trashcan.  
PORRIM: undervwear? vwhy vwere you talking about that?  
MITUNA: its a fucking non issue.  
PORRIM: undervwear? unbelievwable, mituna, come on.  
PORRIM inexplicably shovwes MITUNA into a trashcan.  
  
MITUNA: ow fuck. #ow #ow #ow  
ERIDAN: are you ok tuna?  
MITUNA: im fine, get off me.  
ERIDAN: you sure aboat that? you dont look so good.  
MITUNA: ill be fine, im not a pissbaby.  
ERIDAN: do you vwanna see a docterrorist or something?  
MITUNA: nope, dont you dare. im fine. i svwear.  
CRONUS: por, vwhy dont you take tuna home? and tuna, if you need anything, listen, call me anytime, pester me anytime. are you alright, though, like for real.  
  
CRONUS has been massaging MITUNAs shoulder this vwhole time.  
  
MITUNA: fuck off vwith your concern trolling.  
ERIDAN: fine, sea you.  
  
PORRIM and MITUNA exit.  
  
CRONUS: lets go hivwe, eri.  
  
ERIDAN and CRONUS exit vwith the sportsball.


	12. Chapter 12

cut to the hivweblock, vwhich MEENAH and ARANEA are entering.  
  
ARANEA: you look unbelievwably tired today, meenah. are you feeling alright?  
MEENAH: its nothing. just didnt get much sleep last day.  
ARANEA: vwhyevwer not?  
MEENAH: you remember that vworthless clown?  
ARANEA: youll havwe to be a little more specific.  
MEENAH: the one vwith the janky ass stitches.  
ARANEA: ah yes, our friend.  
MEENAH: he vwants to buy a newv hive or something. i asked cronus if he could help vwith the deposit. all he told me is that it vwas mega awvk. thats fucking bullshit and i knowv it. i expected your entvwined to be more generous than that.  
ARANEA: ah, but vwere not entvwined yet.  
MEENAH: but, my ass. cronus is family nowv.  
ARANEA: meenah, please listen to me. i dont care for cronus like i once did. i dont pity him, i dont lovwe him--i dont evwen like him. in fact, im havwing concupiscent relations vwith someone else.  
MEENAH: yeah so?  
ARANEA: flushed concupiscent relations.  
MEENAH: are you for real right nowv?  
  
vwe see that CRONUS is listening from the staircase.  
  
ARANEA: im not sure you understand the situation, meenah.  
MEENAH: vwho is it tho?  
ARANEA: id rather not discuss this vwith you.  
MEENAH: so all of the sudden you dont vwanna talk aboat it? then vwhat the hell you bringing it up for?  
ARANEA: i... i dont knowv, actually.  
MEENAH: you... dont knowv. right. if you think im tired tonight vwait til you see me nextnight.  
ARANEA: that reminds me: are you coming to the party?  
MEENAH: i should. got nothing better to do.  
  
they exit.  
  
CRONUS: howv could they say that about me? i dont believwe it. i knowv howv to showv them! i vwill record evwerything.  
  
CRONUS descends the staircase and tediously installs a primitivwe recordation devwice under the telephonic ansvwerator, then exits upstairs.


	13. Chapter 13

vwiters note: kan vwould bullshark a lot more than i vwrote in here, but i dont vwant to vwrite it all out right nowv.  
  
cut to the hivweblock, vwhere CRONUS and KANKRI are talking.  
  
CRONUS: i just dont understand vwomenfolk sometimes. do you, kanny?  
KANKRI: vwhat seems to be your problematics vwith vwomen? #twv: generalization  
CRONUS: they nevwer say vwhat they mean, and they alvways play games.  
KANKRI: does your main complaint come from vwomen in general, or is it a specific vwoman about vwhom you vwish to complain?  
CRONUS: im havwing a serious problem with aranea. uh... #twv: sex, i guess? i nevwer knowv howv you vwant me to trigger tag. your standards keep changing. but i dont think shes being faithful to me. in fact i know she isnt.  
KANKRI: aranea? are you sure?  
CRONUS: yeah im sure. i ovwerheard a convwersation betvween ara and her moirail. vwhat the fu--vwhat am i supposed to do about that, kanny?  
KANKRI: in the context that this is aranea, vwho has been your matesprit and "girlfriend" (#twv: kin issues) for svweeps? to vwhom you intend to serendipiseal vwithin the perigee?  
CRONUS: thats the one.  
KANKRI: although i am ordinarily full of vwords to apply to a situation such as this, i find myself at this point beyond the ability to fully express myself.  
CRONUS: but youre good at this kinda stuff, kanny. dont you havwe some advwice?  
KANKRI: its a complicated situation. youre both my friends. i dont vwant to get betvween the tvwo of you. if you vwant to get to the bottom of this, you should confront her.  
CRONUS: ... vwhat vwas that? sorry, i kinda lost your train of thought.  
KANKRI: my advwice is that you should confront aranea.  
CRONUS: i cant confront her about this! id havwe to be able to articulate around this vwavwy accent! and i vwant to givwe her a second chance. after all this, aranea is still my future vwife. my serendipisealed entvwined. and you knowv vwhat they say. lovwe is blind, pity is blind, hate is blind.  
KANKRI: i am impressed by the amount of blind devwotion you havwe for aranea. not many matesprits could attest to such dedication. i must say, howvevwer, that life occasionally complicates itself in unforeseen vways, and the unexpected has been knowvn to happen on those occasions. and vwhen the unknowvn does come to be knowvn, the person this occurs to needs to learn howv to deal vwith it.  
  
the entrychime rings.  
  
KANKRI: that vwas unexpected, and i dont knowv howv to deal vwith it.  
CRONUS: did you hear the door of this hivweblock?  
KANKRI: i believwe that vwas the sound, yes.  
  
CRONUS ansvwers the door.  
  
CRONUS: oh hi, por, make yourself at hivwe.  
  
PORRIM enters.  
  
PORRIM: hello, cronus. hello, kankri.  
CRONUS: vwe vwere just talking about vwomen.  
PORRIM: vwomen, you say?  
KANKRI: vwhy must you alvways do this vwhen porrim is here.  
PORRIM: vwould you like to discuss the purple-dowvn patriarchy, perhaps? or the subjugation of the empresss owvn vwill to the vwhims of the indigoblood cult religion?  
CRONUS: no, por, like vwomen.  
  
PORRIM pauses for a long vwhile.  
  
PORRIM: oh. vwomen. vwell, vwomen are confusing. i havwe one of my vwery owvn, you knowv. shes nearly serendipisealed, but shes so attractive. its drivwing me crazy.  
KANKRI: porrim, vwhy didnt you mention this before? is it anyone vwe knowv?  
PORRIM: you... dont knowv her.  
CRONUS: so vwhen can i meet her?  
PORRIM: i dont think you can. its an awvkvward situation.  
CRONUS: vwhat, is she too old? do you think i vwill take her avway from you? hanh?  
  
KANKRI laughs, then quickly silences himself. PORRIM also laughs for a moment.  
  
PORRIM: im sorry, its just... the thought of you taking someone avway from anyone is... vwowv. no. theres no vway you could take her avway from me.  
CRONUS: its just as vwell. i havwe my owvn problems.  
KANKRI: oh, vwhat kind of problems, cronus?  
CRONUS: kan, you alvways play interrologist vwith us.  
PORRIM: you just asked him to play interrologist vwith you.  
KANKRI: look, cronus... im merely trying to be a good friend. im just vworried about you. now, i dont vwish to make you uncomfortable on any account, so you are alvways vwelcome to tell me you dont vwish to talk--i knowv howv much you vwalue consent, and so i refuse to share anything vwith others that you share in confidence here.  
CRONUS: vwell, if i havwe to... aranea keeps teasing me about vwhether vwe vwill really get serendipisealed or not. i thought she vwanted to be entwvined vwith me, but vwe havwent gotten flush in a vwhile. at this point, i don't knowv vwhat im going to do.  
PORRIM: you vwant to get flush in the vwild? is that vwhat you just said?  
KANKRI: i believwe i understand vwhat he said, porrim. vwell, cronus, you vwill nevwer really knowv her intentions unless you ask her about them. perhaps you should tell her about your feelings on the matter. dont hide your emotions. the tvwo of you havwe been together for quite a long time, after all. im sure you can vwork anything out betvween the tvwo of you, so long as you commit to talking about it and actually listening to one another.  
CRONUS: eh, not alvways.  
KANKRI: people are people, trolls are trolls. and sometimes, its impossible for us to see our owvn faults.  
PORRIM: apropos of nothing, and totally not just because i vwant kanny to shut up: im thinking of movwing to a bigger hivwe. im making excellent money right nowv. cronus, youre a banker. vwhats your opinion on vwhere the real estate market is going?  
KANKRI: and nowv that THAT interruption is out of the vway, cronus: i believwe you should tell aranea the truth. she deservwes that much, i think you vwould agree. you are doing all this for her happiness, right?  
CRONUS: youre right, kan. hey por, that girl, she getting a divworce or anything?  
PORRIM: you men are too much. again, not to change the topic of convwersation, but im going to change the topic of convwersation. are either of you planning to run bay to breakers this year?  
CRONUS: the race to raise avwareness for less fortunate seadvwellers? yeah, sure, i vwill.  
KANKRI: i dont believwe i vwill participate this year.  
CRONUS: ha ha, kan, youre a cluckbeast, youre just a little cluckbeast! vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
PORRIM: vwhat the hell is that noise.  
KANKRI: vwho are you calling a cluckbeast? i happen to knowv my owvn limits vwery vwell, both mental and physical, as vwell as emotional. truth be told, i tend to run into strange people at that evwent. there are too many vweirdos there for my taste.  
PORRIM: you? vworried about hanging out vwith a bunch of vweirdos? shouldnt you be more vworried about present company?  
CRONUS: i dont mind, kan. por, remember the one vwith the huge rumblespheres, the one vwho dyed her horns vwhite?  
KANKRI: vwhat about the one vwearing the serendipiseal traditional garb? if i recall correctly, she vwas holding some sort of sign, though i dont remember vwhat it said.  
CRONUS: i think it said vwill you marry me, vwhatevwer that means. vwait, thats a human thing. vwhat if she vwas humankin and i missed my chance hit on--i mean, get acquainted vwith her?  
PORRIM: vwhat i remember the most about last years evwent vwas eating so much aftervwards at the conciliatory banquet.  
CRONUS: yeah, the barbecue loaf vwas delicious. rice, that vwas cool too.  
KANKRI: and the tvwo of you havwe inadvwertently provwed my point: you are both vweird.  
KANKRI: do either of you perhaps vwant to play at cards? plums tall.  
CRONUS: nah, vwe cant. im expecting aranea any minute nowv.  
PORRIM: thats strange, i thought you vwere the highblood and thus the ruler of the hivwehold.  
KANKRI: you knowv, cronus, it vwould be vwise to establish these sorts of boundaries before you and aranea consummate your serendipitous union. and suspiciously, i seem to be on the subject of howv you and aranea evwer met in the first place, for you to be sealing yourself to her nowv. im sure youvwe told us before, but i for one vwould appreciate havwing your backstory vwith her elucidated in front of company.  
CRONUS: vwell, its a vwery interesting story. vwhen i movwed to the shore vwith only tvwo suitcases and the clothes on my back, i didnt knowv anyone. i headed to a local housing provwider vwith a paper grant from my bancestor. tvwo thousand caegars. it vwould have been a lot more useful to me if i had been able to convwert it to coin.  
PORRIM: vwhy couldnt you? vwhy vwould your beforan ancestor cut you a bad grant?  
CRONUS: vwell, according to the provwider it vwas an out of region authority, so they didnt havwe to honor it. so i started vworking at a coffeehouse. it vwas the start of the dim season and i learned to lovwe the sight, taste, and smell of pumpkin spice lattes. anyvway, aranea came in almost evwery day. she vwould sit and drink her bean juice and go ovwer her papers. she vwas so beautiful. one day i decided, screwv it, i vwould say hi to her and just get shot dowvn once and for all. thats howv vwe met.  
PORRIM: you havwent told kanny the most interesting part. she vwent through tvwo entire cans of repellant spray in that first encounter.  
CRONUS: thats not the interesting part, youre tvwisting my story. kan, you vwouldnt believwe this, but on our first outing, she vwolunteered to pay for breakfast.  
PORRIM: no tips from his job vwhatsoevwer. also, no indication that later on, he vwould become a banker.  
CRONUS: vwhatevwer, por. do you tvwo vwanna eat something?  
  
CRONUS assumes they do, exiting to the kitchen. ARANEA enters.  
  
ARANEA: hello, porrim. hello, kankri. vwhats going on?  
PORRIM: oh, hello, aranea.  
KANKRI: aranea! it is so delightful to be able to see you. meaning no offense to the blind or othervwise sight-impaired, of course, i simply meant it as a cordial greeting, and not to assume that the tvwo of us havwe any sort of social relationship vwhatsoevwer... #twv: rambling  
  
ERIDAN materializes behind ARANEA, then proceeds to stare out the vwindow for some reason.  
  
ARANEA: vwhere is cronus?  
PORRIM: hes in the foodblock. suddenly, i need to leavwe.  
ARANEA: oh! i didnt mean to chase you off. you should vwait around for a vwhile.  
PORRIM: i need to... vwork early tomorrowv night. yes. that. is the reason. vwhy i havwe to leavwe so suddenly.  
  
PORRIM exits. KANKRI also exits. ERIDAN crouches to the floor for some reason. ARANEA also crouches on the floor next to ERIDAN, for some reason.  
  
ERIDAN: did you get your serendipiseal gowvn yet?  
ARANEA: no. i havwe plenty of time.  
ERIDAN: are you sure you havwe that much time? its only a perigee avway.  
ARANEA: im sure itll be fine. vwhat are you so vworried about? evwerythings ok, right?  
ERIDAN: just that cro doesnt seem vwery excited. is there something keeping the tvwo of you from getting to the altar?  
ARANEA: theres no problem, eridan. vwhy do you ask?  
ERIDAN: i just vwant you and cro to be happy, thats all.  
  
they both stand up.  
  
ARANEA: i am happy. look, eridan, i need to talk to cronus. ok? ill see you later.  
ERIDAN: ok, tell him i said vwhats up.  
ARANEA: sure.  
  
ERIDAN exits.


	14. Chapter 14

cut to the roof. KANKRI enters. PORRIM is sitting on the roof, clad entirely in black gauze, smoking vwhat may or may not be DAMARAs vweed.  
  
KANKRI: oh, hello, porrim.  
PORRIM: hey, kanny.  
KANKRI: its, er... this is, vwell, this is a good place to think. up here. isnt it?  
PORRIM: vwhat, kanny, do you vwant to put me on the clock? see inside my head?  
KANKRI: vwell, if it isnt too inappropriate, i do havwe at least one question for you, and that is: vwhat is that? in your hand vwafting up smoke. that smells like a stripebeast.  
PORRIM: oh, do you vwant some, kanny? i think it vwould be good for you. it vwould help you get that stick out of your ass. you definitely dont havwe anyone in your concupiscent quadrants about to do that job for you.  
KANKRI: you knowv i dont smoke that... that stuff, porrim!  
PORRIM: right, you settle for nothing less than vwhite vwidowv.  
  
PORRIM rolls her eyes, sighs, and takes a drag.  
  
KANKRI: porrim, forgivwe my intrusion upon your seclusion, but at this point, you are making me vwonder about your strange habits. you look... dowvn. depressed, almost.  
PORRIM: i havwe some sick tvwisted feeling in my food blender. i did something considered awvful by societal standards. i knowv vwhy others think its vwrong, but i nevwer expected to feel any guilt ovwer it myself.  
KANKRI: tell me about it, porrim.  
PORRIM: vwell, i suppose i just feel like... like running, or killing myself, or something crazy like that.  
KANKRI: so vwhy are you smoking to allevwiate these feelings? that leaf is no good for you. its no vwonder you cant think straight--nowv or evwer, if youvwe been doing drugs this vwhole time. its going to insinuate itself into your thinkpan and mess vwith your head. #twv: unsolicited advwice  
PORRIM: and howv is this any of your business, kanny? you think you knowv evwerything because you read about it in books or on the intergrub. but for all of your attempts to understand, you vwill never knowv vwhat any of this feels like firsthand.  
KANKRI: just vwho do you think you are? youre acting like a grub at the moment. growv up.  
PORRIM: a mutantblood, calling me a grub? vwowv, fuck you too.  
KANKRI: just relax, porrim. im merely trying to help. nowv, ivwe found you on the roof holding a... a roach, is that vwhat other trolls call it? a bud. a joint. ... marijuana, is my point. dowvnstairs, you said you had a girl of your vwery owvn, an attractivwe vwoman in her own right, but that she vwas about to be sealed to another. you continuously changed the subject and expected me not to notice your convwersational detours. you acted somevwhat avwkwvardly vwhen aranea entered the block. so, my conclusion is: youre havwing a concupiscent, flushed affair vwith aranea, arent you.  
PORRIM: ... vwhat.  
KANKRI: am i vwrong?  
  
PORRIM stands. she is easily a foot taller than KANKRI, especially vwith her heels. the slit of her dress revweals the tattoos going up her legs. she circles around KANKRI, her nostrils flaring and her fangs elongating. KANKRI vwisibly stiffens at her threat display.  
  
KANKRI: vwhat are you doing? are you insane? #twv: ableist language  
  
KANKRI takes a step avway. PORRIMs fangs retreat.  
  
PORRIM: i apologize. for the drugs, not for the hormonal display. are you ok?  
KANKRI: i believwe im fine--or if im not fine nowv, i vwill be soon. for the moment, i vwould rather talk about your problems. #ignore the red running down my pants leg  
  
PORRIM pointedly glances at KANKRIs pants leg.  
  
PORRIM: and youre sure youre ok, and you can conduct yourself in a socially appropriate vway?  
KANKRI: im sure.  
  
PORRIM squashes the last of her joint under her heel.  
  
PORRIM: ancestors damn this, kanny. vwhy do you evwen vwant to knowv my secret? its almost like its ridiculously easy to figure out and ivwe nevwer tried to hide it or be ashamed of it. youre right, of course: aranea is havwing an affair vwith me. i dont knowv vwhat to do about it. vwhen i think too much about vwhat shes done, i tend to get depressed. its all her fault, obvwiously. its her mind control. its made her into such a manipulative bitch.  
KANKRI: but howv did you let this happen?  
PORRIM: vwhy are you blaming me for being her vwictim?  
KANKRI: you do knowv that this is going to ruin your friendship vwith cronus, right? your strangely human-based relationship model, anyhowv. vwhat vwere you thinking? it seems as though you vwant my advwice, so i vwill offer it unsolicited, as i alvways do. it seems like your life has unexpectedly become quite complicated. right nowv, you need to be responsible for those complications. so, here is my prescribed course of action: you should not see aranea again. if you do, under no circumstance are you to sleep vwith her! or vwhatevwer euphemism catches your fancy for your over-liberated vwiewv of howv sexual relations should be betvween trolls. dont let her knto your evwer-changing revwolvwing door of short, meaningless concupiscent physical relations. find someone else to "break the sociosexual norm" vwith. aranea is a sociopath. she only cares about herself. she is incapable of caring for anyone that isnt herself.  
PORRIM: good lord, you cant expect me to listen to you vwhen all you do is insult me.  
  
they exit together.  
  
cut to an exterior shot of a vworship center in the dreambubbles.


	15. Chapter 15

cut to the hivweblock, vwhere CRONUS is vwearing beforan formalvwear and talking on the telecommunicator.  
  
CRONUS: yeah thanks. vwhatevwer you need.  
  
ERIDAN enters, also vwearing beforan formalvwear, but carrying a sportsball.  
  
CRONUS: hey eri. nice duds, you look like one svwell cat.  
ERIDAN: you look pretty svwell yourself. your sealing photos are gonna look vwonderful.  
CRONUS: i know, right? im gonna look fantastic, i knowv it.  
  
the entrychime rings. ERIDAN ansvwers it. KANKRI enters, also vwearing beforan formalvwear.  
ERIDAN: oh hey kan... kri. vwhatevwer, come in.  
KANKRI: hello.  
CRONUS: oh hey, kan.  
ERIDAN: you look pretty good yourself.  
CRONUS: sit dowvn, make yourself comfortable.  
  
the entrychime rings again. ERIDAN ansvwers it again. PORRIM enters this time, vwith an elegantly-done updo and vwearing beforan formalvwear.  
  
ERIDAN: vwhoa.  
CRONUS: vwowvvwvvwvwvvwvwwv.  
PORRIM: hello. do you like the vway i look?  
KANKRI: dear goodness yes.  
CRONUS: you look great, doll. like a real vwoman.  
ERIDAN: so do you guys vwanna play some sportsball?  
KANKRI: do you expect us to play sportsball in formalvwear? you must be joking.  
ERIDAN: come on, por, lets do it.  
PORRIM: im open to the idea.  
ERIDAN: vwhat about you cro?  
CRONUS: ask kanny vwhat he vwants to do.  
ERIDAN: come on kankri.  
KANKRI: i really dont think this attire is suited to vwigorous activwity of any kind.  
ERIDAN: are you kidding me right nowv?  
KANKRI: i said no. vwould you please respect that?  
ERIDAN: come on, you vweakling.  
ERIDAN: vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
CRONUS: vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
PORRIM: vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
  
cut to the alleyvway, vwhere CRONUS, PORRIM, KANKRI, and ERIDAN are throwing around the sportsball. in their beforan formalvwear.  
  
ERIDAN: catch this cro. alright kri. here vwe go por.  
PORRIM: come on come on come on.  
ERIDAN: catch por.  
PORRIM: go. go deep.  
  
KANKRI tries to "go deep," a heavwy red blush coloring his face, but instead he trips and falls.  
  
ERIDAN: god kri youre a clumsy little vwimp.  
KANKRI: that? is it. i am done. this is ovwer. this vwas not in the least a good idea, eridan.  
  
evweryone helps KANKRI up, then they all exit.  
  
cut to an exterior street shot in the dreambubbles.  
  
cut to a fountain in the dreambubbles, where CRONUS dips in before he vwalks off.


	16. Chapter 16

cut to a coffee shop.  
  
ROSE: are you sure?  
DIRK: i vwanna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of vwater.  
JAKE: i believwe ill havwe a large peanut butter cup vwith extra vwhipped cream please.  
DIRK: dont do that, youll die.  
JAKE: ah yes, peanut allergy. vwherevwer vwould i be vwithout you, chum? the mocha if you please.  
JOHN: sounds good!  
ROXY: and ill take a cheesycake and a coffee. and the baristas numberrr *vwink*.  
DAVE: jeez you thirsty harpy. take a seat and vwell get it right out to you. your coffee, not egberts deets.  
ROXY: you are absolutely no fun, you knowv that, right?  
ROSE: hello, howv are you doing? vwhat vwould you like?  
JANE: i vwould please like a bagel vwith a coffee.  
ROSE: great, sure.  
CALLIOPE: i think i vwould also like a cheesecake and a bottle of vwater.  
JOHN: sounds good! have a seat. vwell get that to you right avway.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM enter.  
  
CRONUS: oh hi rose.  
ROSE: vwell, hello, cronus. howv are you? its... good... to see you. vwhat vwould you like today?  
CRONUS: that human hot chocolate vwith vwhip.  
JOHN: vwhat size?  
CRONUS: medium.  
JOHN: i think you mean grande! i vwill get that started.  
ROSE: howv about you?  
PORRIM: ill havwe the mint tea, rose.  
ROSE: im glad you ordered it and not your friend, because by lawv you havwe to surrender your testicles or other male reprodictivwe gonads if you vwant to drink it.  
JOHN: shut up, rose. medium for you too?  
PORRIM: sure, go for it.  
ROSE: go sit dowvn. vwell be right there.  
  
CRONUS and PORRIM sit dowvn.  
  
PORRIM: nowv that vwere not alone and also in public, lets talk about something privwate and sensitivwe: im so tired of relationship games.  
CRONUS: vwhat happened now, por?  
PORRIM: relationships never seem to vwork after the initial encounter. i dont knowv vwhy i keep vwasting my time.  
CRONUS: vwhat makes you say that? is it because youre a huge slut vwho vwants to screwv anyone vwho vwill let you?  
PORRIM: its not like that, cronus.  
CRONUS: vwell, you should just be happy, por.  
PORRIM: i knowv. life is too short for this bullshit.  
  
ROSE brings the drinks.  
  
CRONUS: vwowv, thanks.  
ROSE: youre vwelcome. howv about a slice of cheesecake?  
CRONUS: i can see the cheesecake right here, 8a8e.  
ROSE: if you pinch my ass again, i vwill file a sexual harassment claim.  
  
CRONUS vwithdrawvs his hand, vwhich vwas creeping out and around ROSEs side.  
  
ROSE: do you vwant cheesecake or not?  
CRONUS: nah, you took all the fun out of it.  
ROSE: good.  
  
ROSE retreats back behind the counter, angrily cleaning blender vwessels.  
  
PORRIM: howv vwas vwork tonight?  
CRONUS: pretty good. vwe got a newv client at the bank and vwe are gonna make so many caegars from him.  
PORRIM: vwhat kind of client?  
CRONUS: i cant tell you, its confidential or something.  
PORRIM: so... you brought it up, but you cant talk about it.  
CRONUS: nope.  
CRONUS: anyvway, howv is your sex life?  
PORRIM: ah, the soothing, natural rhythms of a convwersation vwith you. i cant talk about it.  
CRONUS: vwhy not?  
ROSE: (from the counter, sarcastically) by all means, take your time leavwing, cronus.  
CRONUS: shit, i do havwe to leavwe.  
PORRIM: already? vwell, isnt that convwenient.  
CRONUS: sorry, por.  
PORRIM: alright, cheapskate, its on me this time. by the vway, do you perhaps vwant to fit in some physical activwity? in the park?  
CRONUS: nevwer knewv you vwere into vwoyeurism.  
PORRIM: youre disgusting. and it vwould be exhibitionism, anyhowv. howv does 6:30 vwork for you?  
CRONUS: vworks fine.  
PORRIM: fine. see you later.  
CRONUS: ok-dokey, por.  
  
CRONUS exits.


	17. Chapter 17

cut to the respiteblock. ARANEA and PORRIM enter.  
  
PORRIM: vwhats going on here?  
ARANEA: i like you vwery much, porrim.  
PORRIM: come on, cronus is my best friend... for some reason.  
ARANEA: just one more time........  
  
ARANEA runs a hand inside PORRIMs dress, and the fourth terrible R&B-scored lovwe scene commences. it goes on for about tvwo minutes, full of half-hearted moaning, before cutting to black.  
  
cut to another tracking shot of a famous bridge in the dreambubbles.  
  
cut to a car parking in the park. CRONUS exits to find PORRIM.  
  
CRONUS: hey.  
PORRIM: hello. howv are you doing?  
CRONUS: good, vwery good.  
they run side by side tossing the sportsball in the park. barely audible and completely uninteresting dialogue commences, mostly "vwhats newv vwith you." CRONUS wrestles PORRIM to the ground and perhaps lingers with a hand on her rumblesphere for a little too long.  
  
cut to a shot of a dreambubble city skyline.


	18. Chapter 18

cut to the hivweblock, where ARANEA is svweeping. the entrychime rings.  
  
ARANEA: vwho is it?  
PORRIM: delivwery... oh, vwhy do i evwen bother. you knowv three other people in the entire vworld. its me, aranea, come on, open up.  
ARANEA: come on in, then.  
  
PORRIM enters.  
  
ARANEA: hello, porrim.  
PORRIM: vwowv. are you sure youre going to be ready?  
ARANEA: vwhat do you mean, be ready? im always ready--for you.  
PORRIM: you knowv vwhat i mean--for the party.  
ARANEA: vwe havwe plenty of time. all i havwe to do is finish scrubbing the floor and put on my party dress.  
  
ARANEA drops the broom and takes her shirt off.  
  
PORRIM: vwhat are you doing?  
ARANEA: nothing. ivwe just ceased to need the broom.  
  
ARANEA slides her hand around PORRIMs neck, undoing the top of her dress.  
  
PORRIM: you are so beautiful.  
  
they start making out. someone knocks on the door. they bolt upright and start putting their clothes back on.  
  
ARANEA: hurry up! i have to open the door!  
PORRIM: vwait, hang on!  
  
ARANEA puts her shirt back on, but PORRIM is still struggling.  
  
ARANEA: come on in, ill be right there!  
  
LATULA enters in time to see PORRIM pulling up the remaining side of her halter dress before she finally manages to tie the halter together behind her neck.  
  
LATULA: sup, girls. hey, aranea, i brought the stuff you vwanted!  
ARANEA: i knewv i could count on you.  
LATULA: yo, porrim, x-y-z.  
PORRIM: vwhat are you talking about?  
LATULA: your boobs are kind of making a break for it!  
  
evweryone giggles.  
  
LATULA: yall are too much. so, aranea, vwhat needs helping?  
  
evweryone laughs some more.  
  
PORRIM: i need to go.  
  
she exits. LATULA and ARANEA continue laughing.  
  
ARANEA: could you possibly help me movwe the center table?  
LATULA: aint nothing to me. so, vwhat vwas porrim doing here?  
ARANEA: oh... she just... brought by some takeout.  
LATULA: more like taking out her chesticles! vwhat about the tie, huh?  
ARANEA: vwhat about it?  
  
they movwe the coffee table.  
  
ARANEA: leavwe her alone, shes a good vwoman.  
LATULA: so, let me guess, you havwent told cronus yet.  
ARANEA: howv could i? porrim and cronus consider themselvwes to be best friends.  
LATULA: tricky tricky. like a skateboard thing!  
ARANEA: you knowv, i think i really did care about cronus at first. but nowv, evwerything seems to have changed. i need more from life, and cronus hasnt been able to provwide that. suddenly its as if my eyes vwere opened vwide--i can see evwerything so clearly. i vwant it. i vwant it all--vwatevwer this afterlife can givwe me.  
LATULA: you think you can get it all from porrim?  
ARANEA: vwell, if she cant givwe me vwhat i vwant, im sure somebody else vwould be vwilling to.  
LATULA: gee, aranea, you sound like meenah vwhen you talk like that. youre being so lame.  
ARANEA: so vwhat? you might be able to learn something from me if you gavwe it a chance. you havwe to take as much as you can from life, evwen this un-life, after all. you have to livwe! livwe, livwe, livwe, livwe, livwe, livwe, livwe. so, dont vworry about me. i havwe evwerything covwered.  
LATULA: vwait, eight livwes? is nine too many?  
ARANEA: ill just leave that to meulin. or possibly her bancestor nepeta.  
  
they both laugh.  
  
LATULA: its like... your point of vwiewv is so totally different from mine. i got mituna, i got skills, im happy.  
ARANEA: look, i vwould rather not talk about it if i dont truly havwe to. people are going to be getting here soon, and vwe havwe to finish preparing for the party.  
LATULA: aranea...  
ARANEA:i really dont see vwhat the big deal is, or vwhy youre making this out to be such a huge thing. doesnt evwerybody look out for number one in the end, number one being themselvwes? dont i deservwe the best? vwhat if cronus isnt the best?  
LATULA: but hes like, a rad dude! i couldnt do vwhat youre doing to him. youre too much for me, aranea.  
ARANEA: you knowv, youre not such a saintly being yourself.  
LATULA: yeah, but vwere not talking about me, here, are vwe?  
  
LATULA boffs ARANEA with a pillowv, maybe a little too hard. a strange pillowv vwersus broom fight ensues, both laughing.  
  
ARANEA: stop it! are you trying to ruin my party?  
  
cut to a tracking shot of that famous dreambubble bridge. again.


	19. Chapter 19

cut to CRONUS and PORRIM running in the vwoods and muttering to each other.  
  
CRONUS: yeah, good vworkout, thats the idea.  
PORRIM: catch me if you can.  
  
cut to a shot of a staircase in the dreambubble city, vwhere CRONUS and PORRIM are running up.  
  
PORRIM: im looking for some offers in the jade quarter--vhwat are the interest rates like these days?  
CRONUS: pretty good, youd be qualified right avway if you talked to me.  
PORRIM: you cant be serious.  
CRONUS: im sure, look howv pretty you are.  
PORRIM: vwell, vwhen can vwe meet about that?  
CRONUS: vwe could alvways talk about this tomorrowv night.  
PORRIM: tomorrowv night?  
CRONUS: sure thing.  
PORRIM: perhaps early in the morning?  
CRONUS: perfect. vwill three vwork for you?  
PORRIM: really? vwowv, that sounds great.  
  
cut to CRONUSs scuttlebuggy pulling onto a residential avwenue and parking in front of his hivwe. CRONUS and PORRIM exit the car.  
  
cut to an illuminated building at night.  
  
cut to a transportation module on a busy avwenue at midnight.  
  
cut to the hivweblock, vwhere ARANEA is sitting as CRONUS enters.  
  
CRONUS: seeya, 8a8e.  
CRONUS pecks ARANEA on the cheek. he opens the door to leavwe, and MEENAH enters.  
  
CRONUS: hey there, prettygills. bye, ara!  
MEENAH: good riddance.  
  
CRONUS exits.  
  
ARANEA: hello, meenah. howv are you doing today?  
MEENAH: doesnt matter about me. howv are you?  
ARANEA: im fixing the hivwe for a vwriggling day party for cronus, but i dont really have my throbbing vwascular in it.  
MEENAH: vwhy the hell not?  
ARANEA: because my concupiscent quadrant belongs to porrim, not cronus. and here i am, planning cronuss party anyhowv.  
MEENAH: you knowv this aint right. still think you should seal up to cronus. cant livwe on concupiscence. besides, vwithout getting serendipisealed, you aint nevwer gonna havwe the kinda bling i do.  
ARANEA: but im not happy. shouldnt that count for something? cronus still thinks im going to seal myself to him, evwen though i told him i vwont. maybe he thinks theres something vwrong, but its hard to tell. mostly, hes just a fool.  
MEENAH: funny you expect to be happy. i aint been happy since i had to mediate that vwhole rufioh damara horuss clusterfuck. never vwanted to quadrant with those bitches in the first place.  
ARANEA: howv come you nevwer told me this?  
MEENAH: doesnt matter, still true. evweryones an asshole. men are assholes. vwomen are assholes. humans are assholes. cherubs are assholes. evwen trolls are assholes. vwe all use and abuse each other all the time. aint nothing vwrong vwith it. getting sealed has ass all to do vwith vwanting a quad.  
ARANEA: vwell, cronus is still ok, i suppose. hes somevwhat stupid, and easily manipulated. i believe by nowv i should havwe him vwrapped around my littlest prong.  
MEENAH: you should be happy then.  
ARANEA: none of that means that i care for him in any vway vwhatsoevwer, though. and i dont.  
MEENAH: dont just throwv your afterlife avway because you dont pity him. shits ridic. growv up and listen to me. im your moirail for a reason.  
ARANEA: all right, then, moirail. ill see you at the party. i think vwhat i need is to be alone right now.  
MEENAH: fine, vwhatevwer. peixes out.  
  
MEENAH exits.  
  
cut to the docks, vwhere CRONUS is vwalking.  
  
cut to a shopping district, vwhere CRONUS is vwalking.


	20. Chapter 20

vwriters note: howv does kar evwen talk? i vwasnt listening too close vwhen he vwould go on about vwhatevwer. probably nothing important, anyvway.  
  
cut to a dark room. CRONUS enters and turns on the lights to find evweryone he ever knewv. they all say "surprise!" and sing "congratulations on your survwivwal to your next vwriggling day, vwe hope you continue to conquer and havwe thousands of svweeps more" while CRONUS says things like "vwowv," "ok," and "thanks." CRONUS toasts vwith evweryone amid vwarious congratulatory mumbles. he offers ERIDAN a drink, vwhich ERIDAN says hell accept later.  
  
cut to panning shot of the near-dawvn skyline.  
  
cut back to the party, vwhere various cast members are engaged in obvwiously fake convwersations. CRONUS and MEENAH are discussing something. ARANEA is flirting with KARKAT, a character vwevwe nevwer seen before vwho is actually a last-minute piss-poor replacement for KANKRI. PORRIM is vwatching them. ARANEA and PORRIM exchange flirtatious glances. CRONUS looks concerned. MITUNA and LATULA flirt with another couple, then start feeding each other celebratory grubloaf.  
  
ARANEA: hey evwerybody, lets go outside for some fresh air.  
  
evwerybody exits except for ARANEA and PORRIM.  
  
ARANEA: vwait. i havwe something i vwant to showv you.  
PORRIM: oh, really? is it something i havwent seen before?  
  
they settle on the conciliatory cushions, and ARANEA drapes her legs across PORRIMs lap.  
  
PORRIM: so. seriously. vwhat did you vwant to showv me.  
ARANEA: its a surprise.  
PORRIM: so, ivwe seen it before. fine, lets do this.  
  
they start making out.  
  
PORRIM: vwhat are you doing? because all of this is obvwiously your fault, and i carry no blame for it vwhatsoevwer. are you crazy? evweryone you knowv is here.  
ARANEA: no theyre not. technically, theyre all outside, because i vwas clevwer and directed them out there. they will file in and out of the hivwe on my command.  
PORRIM: you minx. you planned this all along.  
  
they make out some more. KARKAT enters.  
  
KARKAT: oh vwhat the evwerlovwing shot of bugsquirt to the face is this.  
  
ARANEA and PORRIM bolt upright.  
  
KARKAT: vwhy are you doing this? ignore that i literally just intruded in on your livwes in general only a fewv minutes ago. sorry, kankri couldnt showv up.  
PORRIM: i think aranea has him bound and gagged in a clothesblock somevwhere around here.  
KARKAT: thats as charitable an explanation as any, i assumed serket mind control murder. but vwere friends, right, so screwv it. vwhat the fuck do you think youre doing?  
ARANEA: karkat, please calm dowvn. im obvwiously flushed for porrim, or i vwouldnt be doing this.  
KARKAT: forgivwe me for benig more than a little skeptical.  
PORRIM: you dont seem to understand vwhats going on here, karkat. leavwe your unvwanted comments in your pockets, vwith your keys and your stupid change.  
  
PORRIM exits.  
  
KARKAT: you really dont understand vwhat youre doing here, do you. this is going to devwastate cronus. hes sensitivwe.  
ARANEA: and i dont care about any of that. im flushed for porrim nowv, not cronus.  
KARKAT: i cant believe youre justifying this to yourself in your vwarped little pan. you make me sick.  
  
CRONUS and LATULA enter.  
  
CRONUS: thanks, 8a8e, this is an awvesome party. you evwen invwited all my friends. good thinking.  
ARANEA: youre vwelcome, lovwely. you knowv howv much im flushed for you.  
CRONUS: of course i do.  
ARANEA: you knowv, its getting somevwhat vwarm in here. vwhy dont vwe all go back outside?  
  
evweryone exits.  
  
cut to a shot of a busy street at near-dawvn.  
  
cut to the party on the roof of CRONUSs hivwe. CRONUS vwaves at the people belowv him.  
  
CRONUS: hey evwerybody! vwe havwe an announcement. vwe like aranea and i. vwe are expecting!  
  
evweryone congratulates CRONUS. LATULA and KARKAT confront ARANEA.  
  
LATULA: jeez, aranea, i gotta talk to you. you gotta be honest vwith poor old cronus about howv you feel.  
KARKAT: i agree vwith that. not that anyone cares.  
ARANEA: im going to tell him. i mean to tell him sometime. but at this point, i vwould rather not ruin his vwriggling day or his party.  
KARKAT: vwhat the fuck are you evwen expecting, anyvway?  
ARANEA: im not expecting anything. its not my fault if cronus has his expectations set unreasonably high.  
LATULA: vwhat?  
KARKAT: vwhat are you talking about.  
ARANEA: i told him something vwague to keep our relationship interesting, since its been dying through no fault of my owvn. vwell probably do something exciting evwentually in our relationship at some point, at any rate; its largely inevwitable. im frankly not evwen sure vwhat cronus thinks hes expecting. to adopt a grub? to boldly go vwhere no troll has gone before? to conquer untold newv planets in the empresss name? all of it seems quite silly at this stage. no matter. neither of you are going to tell cronus, are you.  
LATULA: aranea, are you feeling ok? cause this vwhole situation is just getting vworse and vworse.  
KARKAT: i feel like im sitting on an atomic bomb vwaiting for it to go off.  
LATULA: i feel like that too, karkat. there really isnt a simple solution to this.  
ARANEA: dont vworry about it. you tvwo vworry entirely too much about me, and about a relationship youre no part of.  
LATULA: aranea. vwere not vworried about you. vwere vworried about cronus. you dont understand the psych-out youre doing here. youre really just hurting yourself. and my friendship vwith you.  
ARANEA: youre forgetting something vwery important: i am not responsible for cronus or his feelings. im through vwith that. im changing, as a person. i have the right, dont i? people are changing all the time. and vwhen it comes right dowvn to it, the person vwhose future i need to think about is my owvn. so, vwhat is it to either of you if i make some choice you dont agree vwith?  
KARKAT: except it vwont just affect you. vwhat youre doing to cronus? its going to pull all of us dowvn. its going to shake up our group of friends. and its going to destroy vwhatevwer relationship i havwe vwith you, vwhich hasnt really been explained yet, but i guess its there, so vwhatevwer. besides, i dont think porrim is really flushed for you.  
ARANEA: i dont vwant to talk about this vwith you, karkat--especially if youre just going to shriek at me about it.  
LATULA: aranea, youre gonna havwe to face it sooner or later. im gonna havwe a hard time forgivwing you if you dont.  
ARANEA: hey evwerybody! lets go inside and eat some grubloaf.  
  
evweryone exits enthusiastically to go back inside at ARANEAs mere command. LATULA looks pained.  
  
LATULA: i just dont get you, girl.  
  
cut to some random building as the sun rises.  
  
cut to the party, vwhere a couple--TAVWROS and VWRISKA\--is eating cake.  
  
TAVWROS: aranea looks vwery attractivwe tonight.  
VWRISKA: are you saying you vwant to do her before you come back home to me?  
  
CRONUS and MEENAH are chatting; more descriptivwely, CRONUS is hitting on MEENAH. PORRIM and ARANEA are arguing.  
  
PORRIM: vwhat is it youre expecting? is it one of the grubs i cared for?  
ARANEA: no, of course not.  
PORRIM: howv can you be sure? come on, aranea, just tell me.  
ARANEA: stop asking stupid questions.  
PORRIM: vwho the hell do you think you are?  
ARANEA: just shut up!  
  
ARANEA slaps PORRIM.  
  
CRONUS: svweet, chick fight. vwhat are you doing? vwhats going on here huh?  
PORRIM: you really dont knowv, do you.  
  
CRONUS shovwes PORRIM.  
  
CRONUS: maybe i knowv more than you think i do, por.  
PORRIM: vwhy are you hitting me?  
  
CRONUS shovwes PORRIM again, this time into a table.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat do you vwant from me, hanh?  
  
PORRIM pushes off of the table and attacks CRONUS, fangs coming out. KARKAT, ARANEA, and LATULA pull them apart.  
  
ARANEA: stop it!  
CRONUS: alright, alright. ok folks, evwerything is fine. the fighting is over, hep cats. sorry, por.  
  
they shake hands.  
  
PORRIM: me too.  
CRONUS: ara, vwould you clean up here please?  
  
cut to the skyline in full day.  
  
cut back to the party, where PORRIM and ARANEA are dancing. CRONUS confronts them.  
  
CRONUS: vwhat are you doing?  
ARANEA: thats none of your business, cronus.  
CRONUS: youre my future vwaifu, so vwhat are you doing, ara?  
PORRIM: leavwe her alone. she doesnt vwant to talk to you.  
  
CRONUS shovwes PORRIM. again.  
  
CRONUS: since vwhen do you givwe me orders?  
PORRIM: since aranea changed her mind about you. vwake up, cronus. i knowv vwere in a dreambubble, but vwake up. vwhat planet do you think this is? this isnt beforus anymore. you cant just order aranea around like you owvn her.  
CRONUS: i think you should leavwe right nowv, por.  
ARANEA: dont spoil the party i planned for you, cronus. you vwouldnt vwant to embarrass yourself in front of evweryone. vwere just havwing fun.  
PORRIM: dont vworry about it.  
  
PORRIM reaches out to touch CRONUS on the shoulder. CRONUS pushes her hand away.  
  
CRONUS: dont you dare touch a vwioletblood like that, lususfucker. get out.  
  
PORRIM and CRONUS fight. again.  
  
ARANEA: stop! stop it! you tvwo are acting like grubs.  
PORRIM: spawvn of a vwhore.  
ARANEA: the tvwo of you are going to ruin the party.  
PORRIM: if you vwould keep aranea satisfied, she vwouldnt vwant to come to me.  
CRONUS: get out of my hivwe! ill kill you, you lowverblooded bitch!  
PORRIM: you couldnt cull me if you tried.  
CRONUS: you 8ETRAYED me, you vwhore, youre just a cluckbeast, vweep vweep vweep vweep vweep!  
  
they fight some more.  
  
CRONUS: shut up, vwoman!  
KARKAT: fuck this shit, seriously. this is officially ovwer.  
CRONUS: its not ovwer. evwerybody 8ETRAYED me. im fed up vwith this vworld.  
  
CRONUS exits upstairs.  
  
cut to a shot of the markets at dusk.


	21. Chapter 21

cut to MEENAH entering the respiteblock to find ARANEA.  
  
MEENAH: i cleaned the foodblock so you dont have to vworry, palemate.  
ARANEA: cronus still vwont come out of the ablutionblock.  
MEENAH: hes fucking upset. your vwhoring around made him sad. nowv, cronus is a sensible seatroll. hell come outta there. then youll glub about this. everything is gonna be ok.  
ARANEA: i think maybe i should just be alone vwith him right now.  
MEENAH: gotcha. shine on, my crazy diamond. im out. call me vwhen this flounders.  
ARANEA: i vwill, and it vwont. thank you, meenah.  
  
MEENAH exits the hivwe. ARANEA tries to open the ablutionblock door, but its locked.  
  
ARANEA: you can come out nowv, cronus. meenah left. she vwont be accosting you for your deplorable conduct.  
CRONUS: in a fewv minutes, bitch.  
ARANEA: vwho are you calling a bitch?  
CRONUS: you and your dumb vwhore moirail.  
  
ARANEA picks up the telecommunicator and calls PORRIM.  
  
PORRIM: hello?  
ARANEA: hello, porrim? there are things vwe need to talk about.  
PORRIM: vwhats the situation?  
ARANEA: dont vworry about cronus, hes just being a big grub about this. you know, im in flush vwith you.  
  
CRONUS is straining to hear this through the ablutionblock door.  
  
ARANEA: im flushed for you, babe.  
PORRIM: vwhy dont you ditch this creep? i dont like him anymore.  
ARANEA: i knowv, hes not vworth it. vwhy dont i come to your hivwe and be vwith you?  
PORRIM: sure, lovwe, come on up. i vwant your body.  
ARANEA: im on my vway, then. goodbye.  
PORRIM: goodbye.  
  
CRONUS enters the respiteblock.  
  
CRONUS: vwho vwere you talking to?  
ARANEA: nobody.  
CRONUS: vwell, vwont vwe see about that.  
  
CRONUS retrievwes the record from the recordation devwice under the telephonic ansvwerator, or something: the technical process looks completely fictionalized.  
  
CRONUS: vwe vwill see about that.  
  
vwhen he plays the tape back, it catches the beginning of ARANEAs prevwious convwersation, evwen though it hasnt yet been revwound. it has better fidelity than their actual convwersation.  
  
PORRIM: (recorded) hello?  
ARANEA: (recorded) hello, porrim? there are things vwe need to talk about.  
PORRIM: (recorded) vwhats the situation?  
ARANEA: (recorded) dont vworry about cronus, hes just being a big grub about this. you knowv, im in flush vwith you. youre the sparkle of my life. i cant livwe vwithout you. im flushed for you.  
PORRIM: (recorded) vwait, you didnt say a fewv of those things before...  
  
CRONUS turns off the recordation devwice.  
  
CRONUS: you little vwhore. howv could you do this to me? im just a nice sensitivwe guy and i didnt want to get hurt. i gave you sevwen svweeps of my life and you 8ETRAYED me! lets see howv far you want to drivwe the knife in vwith vwhat else is on this tape.  
ARANEA: no. stop. you absolute asshole--i put up vwith you for eight svweeps. and somehowv you think youre an untouchable little angel, like those beings on your planet. youre novwhere near as frightening or pure. at the end of the night, youre just like anybody else.  
CRONUS: i treated you like a princess, not just a sylph, and you STA88ED me in the 8ACK. i lovwe you. i did anything just so you vwould be happy. nowv you 8ETRAY me! howv could you lovwe him? him and not me, vwhen im just a sensitivwe guy looking for someone to lovwe?  
  
CRONUS turns the recordation devwice back on.  
  
PORRIM: (recorded) vwhy dont you ditch this creep? i dont like him anymore.  
ARANEA: (recorded) i knowv, hes not vworth it. vwhy dont i come to your hivwe and be vwith you?  
PORRIM: (recorded) sure, lovwe, come on up. i vwant your body.  
ARANEA: (recorded) im on my vway, then.  
  
CRONUS hurls the recordation devwice against the vwall, yelling out loudly.  
  
CRONUS: agh! evwerybody 8ETRAYED me. i dont have a friend in the vworld.  
ARANEA: im leavwing you, cronus. goodbye.  
  
ARANEA exits the hivwe entirely.  
  
CRONUS: get out! get out!! get out of my life, ara!  
  
CRONUS collapses on the bed. then CRONUS descends the stairs into the livwingblock of the hivwe, trashing it as he goes.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy, aranea, vwhy, vwhy???  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA laughing vwith CRONUSs tie around her forehead.  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA and CRONUS kissing.  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA and CRONUS havwing sex.  
  
CRONUS: you 8ITCH!  
  
CRONUS knocks ovwer a bowvl of fake fruit, some furniture, and evwerything on the mantle. he picks up the teletube and hurls it out the fenestration plane.  
  
CRONUS: YOU 8ITCH! YOU 8ITCH!!!  
  
cut to CRONUS re-entering the respiteblock, glub-howling incomprehensibly. he knocks things off the clothes storage, pulls out all the drawvers one by one, and shovwes it ovwer. he does a quick turn-dowvn servwice on the human-style bed, then flings himself onto it.  
  
FLASHBACK: CRONUS and ARANEA havwing sex.  
  
CRONUS knocks ovwer more of his owvn things and shatters a mirror. he sits on the floor and picks up the red dress he gavwe to ARANEA.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA trying on the dress.  
  
CRONUS dry-humps the dress amid flashbacks of getting flush vwith ARANEA vwhile she was vwearing it.  
  
CRONUS: you vwhore!  
  
CRONUS tears the dress up.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA and PORRIM dancing.  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA saying "you absolute asshole--i put up vwith you."  
  
CRONUS picks up a box and opens it to revweal a handgun.  
  
CRONUS: vwhy? vwhy is this happening to me? vwhy??? its ovwer. god, forgivwe me. guess ill commit ghost suicide AGAIN. except this time ill really do it. vwelp, this is gonna hurt.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA saying "evwerything vwill be alright."  
  
CRONUS puts the gun in his mouth.  
  
FLASHBACK: ARANEA saying "goodbye, cronus."  
  
CRONUS fires the gun and falls backvwards in slow motion.  
  
fade to black.  
  
fade in to PORRIM and ARANEA dashing into the respiteblock to find CRONUSs ghost-suicide body, covered with vwiolet.  
  
PORRIM: vwake up, cronus, come on!  
  
CRONUS is clearly dead. there is blood evweryvwhere.  
  
ARANEA: (sobbing) is he dead? by god, porrim, is he dead?  
PORRIM: hes not dead, hes just lots a lot of blueberry filling. yes hes dead. of course hes dead!  
ARANEA: oh my god...  
  
PORRIM slowvly kisses CRONUSs lips. CRONUSs dead body kinda frenches her back. then, PORRIM and ARANEA embrace.  
  
ARANEA: ivwe lots him but ill still havwe you, right? right???  
PORRIM: you dont havwe me. youll nevwer havwe me. i am unhavweable. i am porrim. and you killed him.  
ARANEA: porrim, vwere free to be together nowv. i care about you. im flushed for you.  
PORRIM: cuckolder. you killed him. youre the cause of all of this. im not evwen flushed for you. get out of my life, you bitch.  
  
ERIDAN enters.  
  
ERIDAN: vwhats happening?  
PORRIM: cronus is dead.  
ERIDAN: vwhat?  
ERIDAN rushes to CRONUSs body and starts to shake it.  
  
ERIDAN: vwake up cro. please vwake up. its not right. vwake up please god this isnt right.  
ARANEA: eridan, cronus is in a better place nowv.  
ERIDAN: leavwe us alone.  
PORRIM: do you vwant to inhale his soul before it dissipates?  
ERIDAN: both of you. leavwe. nowv.  
PORRIM: and as far as youre concerned, aranea? you can drop off the face of the dreambubbles and into the endless black. and thats a promise. you can, actually, drop off the face of the bubbles.  
ERIDAN: just leavwe, both of you.  
PORRIM: leavwe him, alright? let eridan be vwith cronus.  
ERIDAN: vwhy, cro? vwhy? cro, vwhy? just vwhy?  
  
ERIDAN sobs. PORRIM and ARANEA, vwho vwere in the process of leavwing, rejoin ERIDAN and comfort him. enforcemalinger sirens sound. the three of them appear to take turns fellating CRONUSs corpse as general enforcemalinger chatter ovwerlays the scene.  
  
fade to black. roll credits.  
  
vwriters note: yep, this is pretty much perfect. not much that i need to change for a second draft. i think aranea is going to lovwe this. porrim probably vwill too. evwen eridan might be impressed. all i havwe to do is figure out howv other people talk and use their vweird speech impediments in the text. or, in tunas case, act like i havwe brain damage and try to see vwhat kind of retarded thing he vwould possibly say.


End file.
